I may be a horrible person. Before anyone rushes to assure me that this is simply not true (and I do hope that someone would do that), I'll let everyone know I'm okay with it. If I'm horrible, I'm horrible. There's no point in fighting it.
What has led me to consider this possibility is my reluctance to converse with people I know a little bit but not much. We are acquaintances at best and while these people are all friendly, I don't always feel like coming up with something to say to them. There's the nice bus driver, the woman who always knows my name in that store and various other people with whom I come in contact. It can be nice to exchange a word or two but when this sets up an expectation for the next encounter, I don't enjoy the obligation. Sometimes, I have avoided people to prevent conversations from happening. This is where the horrible stuff starts to emerge.
I love meaningful interaction with people. I love listening and talking and laughing with people whom I know and who know me. My acquaintances and I cannot communicate at a meaningful level. Our talk must be more superficial and it may be an effort for them too. To me, really, what is the point? We can smile, we can be polite to each other but it's probably best if none of us makes an effort to talk when there is simply nothing to say.
I think I will try to stop avoiding people and, instead, approach them in a more relaxed, honest manner. It's ok that conversations don't take place every time acquaintances meet. I'll try to be comfortable with the fact that I don't always have interesting things to say and that maybe I'm doing everyone a favour. After all, the bus driver doesn't have the choice of avoiding me when he pulls up to my stop. He might be glad if I just quietly let him be.
JAHD
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